my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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