I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
