I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This house was built for laser tag.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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