I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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