AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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