You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
please come you make the beer taste better
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Bring me that man meat
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
