Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
