Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This baby is an asshole
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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