I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
