i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
