...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
honey bunches of taint.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
