Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
