I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
