In the future we'll all be gay
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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