he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
