the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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