he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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