he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
