I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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