Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
