I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
