His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
