my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
