Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
