none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
