It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
