One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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