Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
