You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
