The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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