How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can I color on your dick again?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
