I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
