Your face is a jimmy john
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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