Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
whose parrot is this?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
