You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love you. Go after that dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
