My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
