Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My ass is underappreciated
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize