I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
