Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
