i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
