my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
