All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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