I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm passing your future prison.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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