I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
