You can't special order awesome
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just high enough for therapy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
