hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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