she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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