You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
