I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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