listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
