Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
