i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
