Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
