Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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