I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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