I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
