WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
