So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
