she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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