I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
