i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
