how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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