how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
