if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize