I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
