Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
