I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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