New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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