somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
