using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my liver is dry heaving
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
