so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
