i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
