Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
