Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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