Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
