im about as happy as oj after his trial
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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