When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
