just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
