I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
