i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
